Food for Thought

Hello All,

Ok… so here is the situation. I am meeting with the bride and the mother of the bride along with the mother of the groom. So, can you guess where we are going on this adventure? I am standing in front of three ladies and all of them are heading in different directions. I will admit, it is a little unusual for the mother of the groom to be involved but in this situation the families are very close and the children have grown up together and now have decided to marry.

Each one of these ladies has a completely different idea of what is appropriate for this event. SO… as I stand there listening to these ladies strongly express their obvious different opinions, I am watching the face of the bride become less and less interested in this entire process. I have seen less pain on the face of a woman giving birth naturally. The mother of the bride made the one statement that makes my blood curdle "Well I am paying for the wedding so I want it this way". I have many brides tell me that have chosen to do things a certain way based on the fact the parents are paying for the wedding and if she goes against the grain, they may not pay for the wedding. In my personal opinion that is a very distasteful thing to say. So is the mother bribing the daughter or just trying every last thing she can to remain in control of her child until the wedding. Things should be given in love, not for a gain or obligation. It became so uncomfortable that I finally had to stop them from speaking for a moment. The conversation went as follows…

I looked at them all and told them "They all had wonderful ideas about the wedding. However, this day was about the bride and groom and no one else". Well the blood drained from the parents faces. Unfortunately, this happens quite often but it is the truth. Many parents try to relive their life through their children. I can understand this because often I try to encourage my nieces to do better and make the correct choices in life so they will not have to experience any negative repercussions from making the wrong choices. Despite the effort that is put forth, I do believe that people learn from mistakes and these mistakes help shape a person. Back to the subject at hand. I explained to these ladies the bride needs to be the one that is happy at the end of the day. I asked each of them to write down their ideas and share them with me. I also asked each of them to promise not to discuss the wedding until I had the opportunity to work on the event and meet with them again. After reviewing each ones ideas I began to work on a plan. I began to develop a road map for the event that would include ideas from each one based on proper etiquette and so forth.

I called the bride and we had a separate meeting about the wedding. I shared my ideas with her and there were a few minor things she wanted tweaked. She told me before she left how she appreciated the fact I had took control of the situation and became the mediator for them. I simply explained to her that was what I was supposed to do and I promised her we would get through this and the most important thing was that she be happy. At the next meeting I explained I had taken each ones ideas into consideration and this is what I came up with. I passed the itinerary to each of them and waited. Believe it or not there was very little resistance. Once again there was a small amount of discussion but the overall outcome is they agreed with what had been presented to them.

The moral of the story is “The bride was very happy”. Based on this experience I learned that sometime one has to be a mediator. The most important factor for a successful event is that the bride is happy with all of the decisions made. I completely understand how most mothers want what they may have not had for their own wedding, but with the changing of the times certain trends change. Ideas that may have been in vogue twenty years ago may not apply today. Compromises have to be made every day in life and in planning a wedding there will surely have to be compromise. Brides, be respectful and listen to your mother s advice and suggestions. Mothers listen to your daughter’s ideas for their perfect wedding and work together as a team. It will take a team effort to make this special day a complete success! Best of luck to all you brides during this wonderful and beautiful adventure.

Until next time!